(This is the 3rd post of this series. To read the entire series, click on the label to the left that reads "Modern Translation Series.")
* Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
I’m pretty sure if my husband came home and found me standing in the kitchen with a ribbon in my hair he would say, “Hey.... you got a thing on your head.”
I think the desire to look and feel attractive is instinctual: we certainly don’t have to be told to do this. The question is, “Do I have the time/energy to worry about looking/feeling attractive?” Or rather, “Does it even matter?” My husband will tell me I look great at the most random times- and certainly not always when I feel I am looking especially great. Our perceptions on this matter are very different.
I do not spend a vast amount of time on my personal appearance. In fact, I probably spend very little at all. I have my quirks: I must always have clean hair. I cannot wake up on Sunday morning, throw my hair in a pony and go out in public. Well, I can but I’ll feel disgusting. I hate when my hair feels at all oily. I don’t like to leave the house in sweats, but at times I might make an exception for a quick errand. I prefer to be in clean clothes, but I will reuse jeans for a couple few days. That’s about it.
I do not wear make-up everyday, only on special occasions. Whenever this comes up amongst friends I always get the same response, “Well that’s because you don’t have to wear make-up. You look fine without it.” Let me translate that: “I’m not used to seeing you with make-up on so you look normal to me without it.” I most definitely look like a better version of myself with make-up on (except eye liner, I look like a complete creature from the black lagoon with eye liner on). Yet, my husband disagrees.
I can’t seem to figure that out. In my head I clearly look better all fancied up, but I guess from his point of view, I looked like normal Tracy when he met me and 99% of all days we’ve spent together so that must just be the person he prefers. The Hubs isn’t much of a fan of dressing up himself and certainly not of shaving frequently. The majority of the time he has to dress up, so do I and the majority of those times the event we are attending is a wedding. So, I guess he relates make-up on my face to a couple hours in uncomfortable shoes and bad beer. I understand now.
While it is wonderful that my husband is equally as attracted to me in an Ozzy Osbourne t-shirt as a party dress, I still find myself wanting to be pretty for him. Last Fall my husband went on a weekend long fishing trip with the guys. I cannot confirm but I have a good suspicion that they did not shower all weekend. I spent the weekend cleaning and working around the house and on Sunday afternoon I remember looking up at the clock and thinking to myself, “Crap, he’ll be home any minute. I need to shower!” Now, there is absolutely no way that he would have been able to smell me over his own stench, but still, my instincts told me to get pretty for him. So I did.
Is there something wrong with this? My husband is so awesome that he does not care what I look like so, therefore, I want to be as pretty for him as I can be. I’m happy, he’s happy, we’re all happy, done! What I think matters to my husband more than anything is how I feel. He hates, absolutely hates, when I bad talk myself (which I admit I do constantly, at least in my own head). If I’m having a fat day and say so out loud, it’s as hurtful to him as if I called him fat. So I think my husband is most happy not when he thinks I look pretty but when I feel pretty, and therefore am happy about myself, confident, and more likely to act pretty around him. That’s the key- acting & feeling pretty (aka performing the acts that a confident, pretty looking lady who loves her husband & feels like a pretty lady participates in <cough>).
Dear 1950’s Housewife,
It’s not him, it’s me.
Have a pleasant day,
The 2010’s Housewife